What You Take With You When You Change
by Some Brief Folly
Summary: Alternate version idea for the middle section of Breaking Dawn after Bella's change. What if it wasn’t so easy for her? All canon.
1. Chapter 1

What You Take With You When You Change

Disclaimer: The world of Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

A/N: This is just an alternate idea to the middle section of Breaking Dawn after Bella's change.

**Chapter 1**

The pain was gone. I heard noises in the house. It sounded normal...yet not. There was a TV on downstairs, something ESPN. I heard a wood floor creek as though someone had just lain down in front of the TV. I also heard Rosalie murmuring and a faint fast fluttering.

Someone was holding my hand. "Carlisle, she is coming around," Edward said.

"Just be calm and reassuring," Carlisle replied.

Thoughts went racing through my mind. I realized there was more room for thoughts, a lot more room but my memories were indistinct, like everything before was in a fog. I opened my eyes.

"Bella, every thing is going to be OK," Edward said and he started to lean over me.

I felt crowded all of a sudden. I sat up quickly and looked wildly around. Alice and Jasper were along one wall of the room. Carlisle and Esme were on the other side. I noticed that everything looked subtly different. The sunlight coming in through the window was brighter than I had ever seen. The color of the walls seemed more vibrant and Edward, my Edward, was beautiful. I had always thought his marble skin was evenly toned and classically perfect, but now it had a luminescence to it. It wasn't like the diamond shimmer when he was in sunlight, it was as though there was deeper layer with an indescribable pearlescent color all its own. I realized Carlisle, Esme and Alice were all similarly enhanced. Then I looked at Jasper. He was covered in crescent shaped scars. I vaguely remember him showing me the scar on his arm under a table lamp and it barely showed up against his pale skin. Now every mark was visible.

"Bella, look at me," Edward implored.

I looked away from Jasper and into his eyes. They were coal black and not the warm butterscotch I loved best.

"Your change is complete, my love" he said. "Everything is going to be fine."

I remembered my last few hours, or was it days? Time had lost its meaning. There had been a lot of pain and burning and before that a feeling of being paralyzed while in pain and burning. Before that… "My baby?"

"Renesmee is fine. She is healthy and is downstairs with Rosalie right now," Edward replied.

I needed to see her. I jumped off the table I had been lying on and headed for the door. Everyone in the room mobilized to block my exit from the room. Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind. Jasper was directly in front of me. I hissed at them.

"You can't see her yet," Edward said gently as he tightened his grip. I didn't understand. They were keeping me from my baby.

"Bella, you are a newborn," Carlisle said in a soothing tone. "You need to feed first."

That brought a new thought to the forefront of my mind, a red-hot burning in my throat and an incredible feeling of thirst. "Arrgg," I growled and broke Edward's grip. I backed up against the wall but was crouched slightly in a defensive posture.

"What is wrong with my daughter?" I snarled.

"Not a thing. She is absolutely perfect." Edward reassured me. He approached and reached for my hands, "But," he hesitated, "she is not all vampire. Her blood flows and she has a heartbeat."

I thought of the fluttering sound downstairs and my eyes grew wide in wonder. All I had was the image of her lying on my chest for that brief instant after she was born before she was swept out of the room.

My memories were still very fuzzy but things the Cullens had told me about being a newborn were starting to come back to me. You will have very little control. You will have incredible thirst. You will be incredibly strong. It would last for a year. Would I ever be able to hold my daughter? I started shaking and looking for any way out of the room.

Carlisle looked at Edward, "It's time to take her outside and let her run."

Esme spoke up for the first time. "Edward, Jasper and Carlisle will go with you. They will teach you what you need to know." I got the feeling they had discussed this beforehand. Esme looked firmly at her husband Carlisle, "Take good care of her."

Edward led me from the room followed by reassurances from Emse and Alice "We love you." The last thing I heard was Alice, "Didn't she turn out perfectly? I told you so."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The world of Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer

**Chapter 2**

Rather than going downstairs to exit the house, Edward, Jasper, Carlisle and I headed for Carlisle and Esme's room next door. Edward led me to the balcony off their bedroom. "Are you up for a jump?" he asked.

"Why don't we use the front door?" I replied.

"Because Renesmee is downstairs."

"Oh," I replied, thinking of the burning in my throat, which was starting to get urgent. Going downstairs might not be such a great idea right now.

Edward threw one leg over the railing, then the other and gracefully leapt to the ground. I followed over the railing but hesitated before the jump. "It's a long way down."

"Trust me. It's easier than you think. Just jump and I promise to catch you if you need me," Edward replied. I let go of the railing but somehow the ground came up to meet me and I landed on Edward and not on my feet. We went sprawling on the ground. As he helped me up, Carlisle and Jasper landed gracefully. Carlisle said, "It will get easier, I promise." As I brushed the mud off I realized I was dressed in my favorite sweatpants, a Forks HS t-shirt and had sneakers on my feet. None of which would have fit a few days ago. "How did I wind up in these?"

Edward chuckled, "Be glad I won out over Alice. She wanted to put you in a satin cocktail dress and high heels so you could appreciate the 'new you'." I glanced as Jasper, who looked a little sheepish and shrugged in that "It's Alice, what can I say" manner.

Edward continued, "I insisted you would want to be comfortable and we both finally agreed that it might be easier if you had sneakers on before you awoke."

We were approaching the river. Jasper asked, "Ready for another leap? Do you want to go first?"

"I'm not sure how to go about this," I replied, eying the far bank which suddenly seemed very far away.

"Just do a running leap. Your new strength will easily get you across." Jasper replied as he stopped about 20 feet from the water's edge, "Follow me." He took three running steps, went airborne and was on the other side. It looked simple. Edward followed.

I looked at Carlisle, looked at the water and said to myself, "I can do this," with determination. I set off - one step, two steps, three steps and pushed off. Amazingly I cleared the river. I touched down on the other side, stumbled and realized I had a little too much momentum. I couldn't stop and went head first into the bushes under one of the trees that line the river. I swear I could hear Emmett in the house snickering.

I gave Edward an evil look as he hauled me out of the bushes. "That was not as easy as you made it look." I said.

"I'm sure you will get the hang of it quickly," he assured me. "Let's go get you something to drink." He disappeared, running into the forest much too quickly. I took off as fast as I could. Wow! The feeling of freedom as we dashed through the trees was incredible. I could feel the strength flowing through my legs, but not feeling my heart pound was a little strange. The best part was I wasn't running out of breath. I felt like I could run like this all day. Edward was in front of me, but would check over his shoulder once in a while. Carlisle and Jasper were some distance behind me, one off to the left and the other to the right. When we finally stopped in a small clearing, I exclaimed, "Why did we stop?"

"Do you really want to run to Canada, today?" Edward asked.

"No, I guess not."

"Let's get started," Carlisle seemed to be taking the lead on my lesson. "Stand still and tell me what you hear?" Jasper and Edward were a few feet away and standing as still as statues.

"I hear the breeze in the trees. I hear a bird calling. But what is that clicking?" I asked perplexed. I couldn't place the sound.

Edward replied "That is you sharper hearing. Come over here with me." He walked over to a small leafy tree. "You are listening to this caterpillar chomping down on a leaf," he pointed out the munching insect on one of the branches.

"Oh my…" I replied.

"Now, what do you smell?" Carlisle asked.

"I smell dirt. Yuck."

"Very funny," Edward replied. "What else do you smell?"

I concentrated a little harder this time. Something caught my attention. It was sweet and tangy, but at the same time the smell was a little off. It was enough to make my throat burn. I really needed to find this smell. The urge was getting stronger so I focused on listening too. I could hear something moving through the trees in the distance. "What is that?"

They were all looking at me with approval. "Very good. That is an elk." Edward answered.

"How do I catch it?"

Carlisle took up his instruction again. "Instinct should take care of most of it. But you want to leap on it from behind and bite it along the neck. You will be able to sense the best place to bite."

"Stay clear of the antlers," was Jaspers comment.

"Let's go!" and I took off into the trees toward the sound. Of course the elk heard me crashing through the brush and took off in the other direction.

I was aware Edward was behind me. "You are faster than he is. Just go after him." So I kept on going. I didn't think I would ever catch the elk, but suddenly I knew that he was going to dart left in the next instant, so I veered around the left side of the next tree and bam! I grabbed him with both arms around the neck. The elk bucked and tossed his head and almost broke out of my grasp but I somehow threw him to the ground. I could sense the blood flowing in his neck and bit down. I could feel the venom flow from my mouth, paralyzing the elk. I also felt blood spurt all over my shirt but I held on for dear life. The urge to suck was the strongest thing I have ever felt. It tasted so good and soothed the burning. I kept going until there was nothing left.

Carlisle and Edward beamed with approval. "That was very good for a first kill" said Carlisle. I realized that while I had done all the work, they had all been very close in case I needed assistance.

"I guess I need to work on catching them faster," I replied. I looked over at Edward. He had an odd little smile on his face. "What's the matter?"

"I thought I was ready to see you as a vampire, but seeing you feed has made it real."

I didn't quite know how to take that, so I let the subject drop. "I'm still thirsty," I replied instead.

Edward chuckled, "So am I. Let's go find something else." He started to lead me away.

"Do we just leave it there?" I asked, pointing to the carcass.

Jasper, who had been fairly quiet, replied this time. "There are enough resident scavengers in the forest that it will be picked clean in no time. If we were in an area where it might draw human attention, we would probably bury it."

"Why did the elk smell slightly off?" I asked.

"Elk are herbivores" Carlisle replied. "Meat eaters smell closer to humans and will smell and taste sweeter to you. You will learn that most everything has a unique smell. I think I smell deer next."

This time both Edward and I each took down a deer. Jasper and Carlisle's light colored eyes told me they had both fed recently. I made a mess again. I got clipped by a hoof in the struggle and wound up with a tear in my sweat pants. Edward meanwhile was neat as could be. Not a splatter, mud stain or hair out of place. "How do you stay so clean?" I complained.

"A century of practice" Edward replied, smiling slightly as he took in my messy appearance.

The burning in my throat was getting better. I was starting to feel full. It was sort of a swishy feeling inside. "Are you full yet?" Carlisle asked.

I thought about it and meekly replied "Maybe room for one more?"

Edward suddenly turned around. "I think there is something that will be more to your liking up ahead." He took off and I knew better than to be left behind. We stopped and held his finger to his lips, indicating to be very quiet. We were behind a tree about 50 yards from an outcropping of rocks that rose about 100 feet into the air. "There is a cougar up there."

"You're not going to turn her into a billy goat are you?" whispered Jasper, low enough that any wildlife concealed in the rocks wouldn't hear. "I'm not sure she is ready to go jumping over rocks today."

"No." Edward replied. "This is my gift," and he took off at lightening speed, flying up the rock pile. I saw a flash of movement above him and then Edward leaping to a higher ledge. I heard a feline growl that was quickly cut off. I'm not really sure what I saw, but the next thing I knew, Edward was maneuvering down the rock pile with a paralyzed cougar in his arms. "For you, my love." The smell was defiantly sweeter than elk or the deer and I couldn't wait to taste it.

"Thank you" and I bit in. It was definitely a treat. But rather than suck the cougar dry, I was able to pull away. "Please share it with me?"

Edward leaned over and drank some of the blood. He stopped and looked at me. "You can finish it off." I knelt over the carcass.

"Her control is good if she is able to share like that," Carlisle commented to Jasper.

"No, I just think she is finally full," Jasper replied.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The world of Twilight and all its characters belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

**Chapter 3**

Edward, Carlisle, Jasper and I were still in the forest. My first meal as a vampire was over. The burning in my throat was definitely under control. The urge was still there, but manageable. Now, other things in my head started vying for attention. "When can I see Renesmee?" I asked. I was still kneeling in the dirt by the dead cougar, Edward was next to me.

Jasper, Carlisle and Edward exchanged glances. Carlisle sat down on a log, "I guess now is just as good a time as any to discuss this, before we go back to the house." Jasper leaned against a nearby tree and crossed his arms over his chest. "We don't think it is a good idea for you to get too close to her yet," said Carlisle.

I looked around at each of them. Jasper nodded as he agreed with Carlisle. Edward put his arms around me. "No. I want to see her!" I struggled before leaning back to look at Edward.

"I think it is too soon, love. Her blood flows and she smells human. She even sleeps. You don't know what your limits are yet. We will figure out a way to make sure you are part of her life, but you need to give it some time."

I threw myself into his arms and sobbed dry tears. "She won't even know me." After a few moments, I got myself under control and looked over at Carlisle. "How long?"

Carlisle laced his fingers together as he rested his arms on his knees. "I really don't know. Having lived with Edward, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett as newborns, I would have to say about a year, but each was different in their own ways. Esme was able to handle one-on-one contact sooner that the others, but it took much longer for her not to go into a frenzy in a large group setting. You are different in that you will have an incentive that they didn't have, as well as a lot of pre-change preparation. We are just going to have to take this day by day."

I thought about my pregnancy. All the details were not clear, but I remember that getting my baby born had been the most important priority. I don't think I was too clear on what was supposed to happen then.

"Why are my memories so fuzzy? Will they come back?"

Edward replied, "Our memories of our human lives are not very distinct. The more recent ones will probably be strongest right now and you will remember what was most important to you. Over the years, even those memories will fade. But you will retain all your new memories."

I thought this over. "What are we going to do now?"

Carlisle stood up. "Edward, we will leave you to work this out. We will see you back at the house." He walked over, smiled at me and kissed me on the head. "Excellent hunt, my daughter." He and Jasper disappeared into the trees.

I smiled back as they departed. Having Carlisle's approval meant a lot to me.

Edward took my hand and moved over to the log Carlisle had just vacated. "There are definitely some complications. Leaving with Renesmee for Alaska wouldn't be a good idea for obvious reasons, and I won't leave without her."

I smiled at him. It was good to hear that he wanted our baby. That wasn't so clear before her birth.

"The family is willing to relocate to the wilds of Alaska but with Renesmee being human, Carlisle is concerned with access to medical care. Alice, of course, is concerned about access to the Baby Gap." Edward rolled his eyes and I chuckled. "So the current idea is that we will stay here for a while. But…" he hesitated.

"But, what?" I climbed into his lap and put my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me.

"If we are not sure about you and Renesmee, we are also not sure about you and your family. We are going to have to lie to your dad and tell him that we are no longer here."

I didn't like the idea of not seeing Charlie, but I knew this was the best thing.

"As Carlisle said, we are going to take this on a day-by-day basis."

I nodded. "I really want to hold Renesmee."

Edward's eyes got sad. "What little I remember of my newborn time and having been there after Carlisle changed the others makes me think that if you were to get that close to a human right now, instinct would win over any level of will power."

"Could Jasper help keep me calm?"

"He will lend all the support he can, but he still has control issues of his own." We sat, lost in our own thoughts. Edward broke the silence first. "While you were unconscious for the last few days, I've been thinking about how we can make this work."

This was the first positive statement I'd heard in a while. I grabbed the front of Edward's shirt, "Tell me," I demanded.

"We need to find ways for her to know that you are part of her life, even from a distance. That huge window along the back of the house has a deck on the outside. We can hook up a sound system so that anyone on the deck can be part of a conversation in the living room. We can do things with video recordings and web cameras. As you get more comfortable, we can progress into being in the same room. What do you think?

It didn't sound perfect, but I was willing to follow his lead. I knew I had the full support of the Cullen family. Maybe even Rosalie. I was going to do whatever it took to make this work. I had a wonderful husband and a healthy daughter. "I trust you. Can I go see her through the window now?"

"Of course." His eyes focused in that middle distance that he sometimes did when concentrating on other people's thoughts. "She is just finishing her bottle. Now would be a good time."

As we ran back through the forest, Edward was right behind me. The full feeling made it a little harder to run and I stumbled on a few roots. We stopped at the river. Everyone was on the deck or in the yard waiting for us. Rosalie had a pink bundle in her arms and a big smile. Amazingly, even at this distance, I could hear Emmett taunting, "There are no trees on this side to crash into. Think you can make it?" Esme was telling him to stop teasing me. I was going to have to get used to this enhanced hearing.

I got a running start but I went over on my ankle just before takeoff. I didn't get the distance I was expecting and landed on my butt in the middle of the river!

There was dead silence for a moment and then Emmett started laughing, quickly followed by every one else. Edward rushed into the water. He had a grin on his face and was trying not to laugh. I glared at Edward and yelled in a very dismayed voice, "How come I'm still a klutz?"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The world of Twilight and all its characters belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

**Chapter 4**

The first few weeks after my change flew by faster than I thought possible, even without the need for sleep. As fall progressed and the rains started again after the summer lull, I seemed to spend all my time hunting or with my daughter or with Edward or hunting some more.

On that first afternoon, after climbing out of the river, I stood in the yard while Edward went up to the deck. He explained to the others that he was going to introduce Renesmee to me from the safety of the living room. He took our daughter from Rosalie and went inside. I didn't care that I was dripping wet or that my clothes were torn and stained. I held my breath and cautiously climbed the stairs onto the deck, aware that Alice and Esme were staying close. I peered through the window. Ahh…she was perfect. Her eyes were open. It looked like she would have my brown eyes but her auburn curls were all Edward's. I took a chance and drew in a very small breath. Even with the window separating us there was the sweetest smell, like the flowers in the meadow with a dash of licorice. It burned the back of my throat worse that anything I had yet felt so I quickly decided it was best to hold my breath. I put my hand on the window and while I knew she probably couldn't hear me, started talking, "Hi baby. I'm you mommy and I love you so much." We stayed there until she fell asleep.

Alice took my hand and led me around the side of the house toward the front door, "It's time to get you cleaned up." As she looked at the condition of my clothes, she asked wryly, "Who won, you or the deer?"

With a huge grin on my face, I replied, "I did!" After a shower, she put me in a comfortable dress and did my hair. Then she made me look in her full-length mirror. I almost didn't recognize me. I was paler but I was beautiful. I had never considered myself beautiful before. The only exception to this picture was the raging red eyes. They were truly scary looking. Whenever they settled to topaz couldn't be too soon for me.

The practicalities of my day-to-day life as a newborn vampire and mother were made much simpler by the most incredible gift. Even by Cullen standards, this would be hard to beat. I usually have such a hard time accepting gifts but…Esme gave us a cottage! When she and Alice led Edward and me through the trees that first evening and revealed what the entire family had been secretly working on prior to the wedding, I was speechless. I would have cried if I could so I threw my arms around Esme instead. It was small and looked very old. It was made of stone with a slate roof and there was a fireplace in every room. The furnishings were comfortable and casual. I recognized a few things from the main house. There was even a flower garden with a fountain right outside our bedroom window. Alice had bought me a complete wardrobe which took up the entire walk-in closet in the bedroom. She had mumbled something about Esme not letting her build out the space she had envisioned. Esme and Alice left us in the yard and Edward carried me over the threshold and into the beginning of our new life.

Edward was right about taking it one day at a time. If we had been living at the main house, logistics would have been much harder. I found that I couldn't be on the same floor with Renesmee; it was too close, the burning was too much. So far I was able to resist the urge to seek out the scent. I could be in a room she had recently occupied but usually held my breath until the air cleared. This allowed me to be with the family in the evenings after Renesmee was put to bed. Her nursery, perfectly decorated by Esme, was the next room down from Edward's old room.

Renesmee's diet was primarily blood. Carlisle would occasionally give her baby formula and she would drink it, but you could tell it wasn't her favorite. Feeding time was the worst for me. The smell of human blood, even stale, originating from a blood bank bag, was enough to set me off. If I got the tiniest whiff, it made me a little dizzy with an involuntary urge to seek out the source. My best recourse was to go for a run and then find a nice carnivore to snack on. Being able to retreat to our cottage was a haven and I knew deep down that Renesmee was in the perfect hands of Esme and Rosalie and all the others. An added plus was having alone time with Edward which was never a bad thing.

After a few incidents with hunters in the forest and an unfortunate UPS delivery man, I knew the irresistible draw of a human scent and the frenzy it could create. Fortunately, on each occasion I was not alone and was dragged away when the urge to hunt the human struck. I think Jasper was secretly enjoying not being only one with control issues and Emmett lived for a chance to tackle me into the mud. I don't think the UPS man will be back to deliver another package to the house after seeing the snarling woman being manhandled across the front yard. Somehow Alice managed to convince him that I was an actress practicing a part of a madwoman.

My life with my daughter consisted of visits through the back window and I read her a story every night before she went to sleep via a web cam. Only Carlisle, Edward and surprisingly Rosalie could handle the close contact with the human blood that was usually in her bottle. Rosalie and I were able to continue building the friendship we had started during my pregnancy. Having Renesmee in her life made a huge difference. She referred to herself as Auntie Rose and always included me as much as possible in the daily activities. I never felt that Renesmee would have to figure out which of us was her real mother.

Renesmee had every Cullen wrapped around her tiniest finger. Alice and Rosalie competed to dress her. Emmett liked to toss her in the air. She loved to fall asleep on Jasper. Esme was taking lots of pictures and working on a scrapbook. Carlisle loved to read to her. She had her grandparents and aunts and uncles at her beck and call, but her heart belonged to her father. She saved her biggest smiles for Edward.

When she was about eight weeks old, Renesmee had a surprise for all of us. She reached up one day and touched Edward's cheek while he was feeding her. He got quite still and almost dropped the bottle. Later he told me what it had felt like. "She replayed in my head the entire song which I had played for her on the piano this morning. It was amazing. Carlisle calls her gift the opposite of mine. She can put her images in other people's minds." It made me sad the think about yet another thing I was missing in her young life but I was thrilled that she was gifted like her father. A few days later as I played a nonsensical game with her via the web cam, Esme, whose arms she was in, called Renesmee's attention the big flat panel TV screen, "See Mommie?" Renesmee reached her hand up to Esme neck. For a few moments Esme's eyes got wider and then she had a huge smile on her face.

"What did she show you?" I asked. We had set up the web cam both ways, so I could see them as well.

"Oh my, she knows you! She just showed me you reading to her last night and playing with her yesterday, and a whole collage of images of you. She definitely knows you are her mother." I just dry sobbed. I had been so worried that she wouldn't know me.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The world of Twilight and all its characters belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

**Chapter 5**

My life is starting to settle down. Bloodlust is still the ruling force, but my mind is beginning to feel more like my own. My hunting skills have been improving each time I go out. I'm getting faster at bringing down my prey and much to Alice's pleasure, ruining fewer outfits. I couldn't call myself a neat eater but I was getting there.

My life wasn't perfect. We are worried about Renesmee, whom everyone has started calling Nessie. She hasn't been developing as she should. At three months, her height, weight and development level are what a human child would have been at one month. On the other hand, thanks to her gift, she is better able to communicate than the average infant. Carlisle tries to reassure Edward and me that she is perfectly proportioned and well nourished. As the only human-vampire child that he knows of, we are just going to have to be patient and she will let us know what her growth pattern is going to be. Edward and I are still concerned. When I asked why my pregnancy was so accelerated, Carlisle's best guess is that it was nature's way of coping with the fact that a 40-week pregnancy would probably kill the human mother way before birth could occur.

We are also dodging my parents. Charlie and Renee think I went to a clinic in Europe after picking up a strange tropical virus on my honeymoon. Carlisle talks to Charlie on a weekly basis and I've been sending letters. I'm not asking how they are getting foreign postmarks. My parents think the treatment should last six to nine months.

My other big issue is the river. To be fair, it is more than the river but that is the best illustration of my problem. I just can't jump over it. It is mortifying. Everyone tries to be supportive, except for Emmett who just can't stop laughing. The entire family has pulled me out at one time or another. Every time I go hunting I fall into that dratted river. I also trip over tree roots and on more than one occasion have run into a tree! All the others are so graceful with lightening fast reflexes. It's a cosmic joke that I don't seem to have inherited that vampire trait.

Christmas has come and gone. Alice and Esme had decorated house and put up a tree. Everyone got into the spirit of Renesmee's first Christmas. I told them not to spoil her. "She won't even remember this next year."

"Are you sure?" was Alice's comment as she rolled on with her plans. I don't think Renesmee will ever use all the toys and clothes. But it was a good day in the Cullen house.

On New Year's morning, Edward and I were in our bed and he was holding me in his arms. "Have you thought about any resolutions?"

"Huh? Vampires make New Years resolutions?" I grinned at him.

He half smiled back, "Well, I've thought of one for you. But I'm not sure how you are going to take it."

I could tell he was hedging about something important to him, "All right, spit it out."

"Carlisle and I have been talking about your, ahh, problems with the river. He thinks that while vampires can't change their physical selves, as a newborn you might have some … flexibility."

The idea of spending an eternity falling into rivers and running into trees was really starting to bother me, so I was more than willing to listen. "What does he think I can do?"

"He has noticed that when you are not thinking it about it, like when you are focused in the hunt or running for the fun of it, that you don't have as many problems. Maybe the trick is to make you integrate your new strength into you subconscious, sort of like muscle memory."

"Muscle memory?" I was starting to get interested.

"The idea is that the more you repeat an action, the more it gets drummed into your brain until it becomes automatic."

One of the surprises of my new life was that I loved to run. I hadn't quite developed the family's fast car obsession, but the wind in my hair and the ground disappearing beneath my feet helped calm me when I needed it most. "Do you think it will work? Can you drum gracefulness into someone's brain?"

"I think it's worth a try."

"What does Carlisle recommend?"

"Since balance is an issue, what about dance or yoga? Alice has volunteered for dance and Esme and Rosalie for yoga."

Another thing I hadn't quite adjusted to was the total lack of secrets in the extended Cullen family. If anyone even had a stray thought, within a short time everyone knew about it. It is tough having a telepath, a precognitive and an empath in the same household. Now there was even a baby telepath in the mix.

I gave him a look. "You know my feelings about dancing. But the yoga might be interesting. When do I start?"

"Alice, by now, has seen our conversation. I imagine she will be here shortly, complete with workout clothes." He gave me one final long kiss before we started our day.

True to form, Alice had the wardrobe and this idea about 'movement exercises' not dance that she tried to sell me. Over the next few weeks we took over a room in the basement of the main house, outfitted it with several floor-to-ceiling mirrors and thick mats and worked out a few hours every morning. Esme, Alice and Edward were always there, but the others sometimes came and checked out what we were doing.

Much as I love my crazy evil little pixie of a sister in-law, I don't think this was doing any good. Alice taught us stretches and tango steps and rumba steps but I felt like I was playing Twister and often wound up crashing to the floor. We soon moved onto yoga.

It turns out Esme had been teaching herself yoga from DVD for some time. "After the boys destroyed my favorite coffee table about six months ago, I needed something more than hunting or I was going to take it out one of their cars. I have found it to be very relaxing."

It looked so simple, but was so hard to do right. It was both physical and mental, the perfect mix of mind over unchanging vampire muscles. We started on the first day with simple stretches and balance poses, the 'downward facing dog' where you press your hands and feet to the ground and you hips into the air and the 'low warrior' with your arms overhead while you are crouching with one knee bent in front of you and the other leg extended behind. Our bodies had no problem with the physical postures or the breathing, but finding our cores and being able to maintain our balance was much harder. Each posture we mastered gave a feeling of control and accomplishment. Esme, Rosalie and I loved it. Alice just couldn't stand still long enough to relax. Often Jasper joined us. The calm was good for him.

I felt the yoga was giving me better control of my body, I felt my running skills were getting better but I was still falling into the river unless Edward held my hand and guided my leap across. About a month after I started the yoga, having tripped over a tree root on a hunt earlier in the day, I went to Carlisle. "What else can I do?"

"I can see your improvement every day." We were sitting in his study. I was moping on his couch and he was in his chair behind his desk. "But I agree that something needs to be added. I think we only have a short window before your body will become too fixed to change. But I fear that you may think the cure is worse than the disease with my next recommendation.

I looked up from the spot on the floor I had been aimlessly staring at, "What do you have in mind?"

"Emmett."

"Emmett?" Oh noooo, this couldn't be good.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: The world of Twilight and all its characters belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

**Chapter 6**

The whistle blew. "Again," called Emmett.

"Arrg," I mumbled under my breath.

"I heard that. You can add two more sets now."

If I had any idea what Carlisle was thinking of in his study six weeks ago, I don't think I would have agreed to his plan. Who am I kidding? I probably would have agreed to anything that might help my klutziness issues. But I may have to kill Emmett.

Carlisle's great idea was that if the delicacy of yoga was making small changes in my balance, maybe brute force could accelerate the process. Brute being the key word here. He turned me over to Emmett with instructions to teach me every sport he could think of. I think this regimen is somewhere between high school football and Army boot camp.

It was now the end of March. We spend hours outside. Our mornings start out with calisthenics. That is where we are now. Push-ups, jumping jacks, crunches and a short but evil obstacle course involving stepping through the centers of twelve truck tires, six with each foot, and scaling an eight foot wall. I thought setups like this were only found in movies. My grumbling has earned me two extra sets of crunches. Edward is a trooper. He participates with me most of the time, but right now he is looking at me with a smug expression that says, I didn't say anything, so I'm not doing the extra sets. I'm so tempted to stick my tongue out at him.

We then move on to a fifty mile run. I love to run, but Emmett sets a grueling pace. Yesterday I tripped and hit a sapling tree so hard that I ripped it out of the ground. Emmett had a good laugh at that. Edward just smiled, then picked me up, dusted me off and told me to keep going. The final tasks of the day are all about coordination. Throwing footballs, catching baseballs, basketball lay-ups, soccer goalkeeping, whatever strikes Emmett's fancy that day. This is where the others sometimes join us. If I had been human, I would probably be dead of exhaustion by now. At a minimum, I would be one giant black and blue bruise from head to toe. But I keep on going because, believe it or not, it seems to be making a difference!

The first two weeks were demoralizing. I couldn't throw or catch anything. I fell down more than ever. "Isn't this is just like my human life?" I complained to Edward. "I didn't like sports then and I don't like them now." He, Carlisle and Emmett convinced me to continue. Alice wasn't much help. She couldn't see a particular event to say if our efforts would make any difference.

The first place I noticed it was the obstacle course. During our third week in this misadventure, something changed. Every day, Emmett would make me run the course and I would get my feet caught in those darn tires and fall on my face. Alice would occasionally run it with me and she made it look so easy. With her small feet and elfin grace she appeared to dance through the hazards. On this particular day, I was ready to give up.

Alice was there that day. "Rather than trying so hard to think about your feet, think about something else. Think about a happy thought," was her suggestion.

"I'm willing to try anything." I replied. Happy thoughts. Between worrying about Renesmee and her development problems and my coordination problems, I don't think I had too many of those lately. I thought about it some more. Edward was always at the center of my happy thoughts. I latched on to a particular memory of us lying in the sun in our meadow a few days before. Then I took off. Next thing I knew, I was past the tires and over the wall.

Emmett was hollering and running my way. He grabbed me off my feet and gave me a big bear hug. "Way to go little sister!" Edward and Alice weren't too far behind. Edward swung me around in a compete circle.

"How did that happen?" I asked.

Edward replied, "I don't know but keep that happy thought."

Alice wanted to know what the happy thought was. "It's mine and I'm not telling," was my reply. There was no way I was going to jinks this.

After that, I picked a skill each day to concentrate on. Sometimes it was the obstacle course, sometimes it was the run through the woods. The less I thought about what I was doing, the better I got at it. It was starting to get to be second nature.

The sports part of the day was another story. I didn't have any human skills to draw on so I was learning it all from scratch. Surprisingly, now that my overall coordination was getting better, I was starting to enjoy it. Maybe I inherited a sports gene from Charlie after all? Or maybe it's just a vampire thing, like speed.

At one point, I asked Emmett, "Why are you spending some much time and effort on me?"

He replied, "I wanted a chance to play with someone who is, if only temporarily, stronger that me. Edward is usually the only one who can challenge me, but he cheats when he reads my mind. I want a chance to win." That made me chuckle and we went back to our run.

Emmett's favorite sport was football so we spend a lot of time throwing one around the yard. Personally, basketball is becoming my best game. I'm small enough to dart around the bigger guys and I can stand around for hours making free throws. I still need lots of work on my ball handling skills. Emmett also decided that I was going to a pitcher. "Alice needs the competition," was his rationale. After a wild pitch almost took out a window, I promised Esme that I would only throw away from the house. She gave me that look she saves for the guys after they have done something stupid that they should have known better than to do. When I told Edward the story later, I said "I wanted to throw my arms around her, but she would have thought I was crazy." Edward didn't get it either. "If she can get mad at me, that means I'm fully one of the family."

So here I was doing two extra sets of crunches before going for our usual run. I decided that today I was going to take on a bigger challenge. That darn river. When we started out, I held Edward's hand as we jumped it, but as Edward, Emmett and I were returning, I stopped at the river's edge.

"I want to try this on my own today." I stated firmly to them and to myself. I hadn't tripped on anything up to this point and thought I was ready for the test.

Emmett told me to go for it. Edward, worried about dashing the self-confidence I had been slowly building, cautioned, "Are you sure?"

"Yep, watch me."

Alice must have seen something, because the entire family was gathering on the back deck, just like on my first day as a vampire.

I moved back a few yards, thought a happy thought, and took off. My foot was firmly planted on the bank and I got the perfect height and distance. I bobbled a little on the landing but quickly recovered. I had done it! Edward and Emmett quickly followed across and the others cheered from the deck. It had taken a little more than six months, but I had finally made it across!

Later that night, alone with Edward in our cottage, I told him all my fears about being a klutz into eternity and how I thought he would eventually stop loving me because if it.

"Silly girl. I will love you forever, no matter what."

Life was good.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: The world of Twilight and all its characters belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

**Chapter 7**

It's fall again. My birthday is just around the corner, both my first vampire and my twentieth human. Fortunately for me, Nessie is the center of attention. Everyone is eager for her first birthday.

Just as Carlisle predicted, Renesmee settled down into a predictable growth pattern. She seems to age about one month for every two that pass. I guess that is the side effect of having an unchanging immortal parent. But she is perfect in every way. Rolling over on her own is her latest skill. I'm still working on my control issues and hope to be able to hold her soon. Yesterday, I was able to stand in the kitchen while she was in the living room, playing with Rosalie and Emmett.

I've started interacting with humans again. Of course I can't go into Forks, but Edward and I just got back from another trip to Denali. We started out a few months ago by going for hikes along trails that humans had recently used. It was hard at first to not want to hunt the scents, but I eventually was able to subdue the urge. On the trip before last, we went into one of the little towns that support the tourist trade to the National Park. I went into a store and bought a book. I was even able to speak with the proprietor. On this trip we went even further. We walked the streets of Anchorage late one night. I almost lost it when we ran into guy wandering his way home from a local bar, but Edward got me through it. It will be a few months before I'm ready to face the world, but Edward is starting to talk about Dartmouth for the spring term.

It's time for the Cullen clan to move on from Forks. Esme is working on plans for the new house and Carlisle is lining up a new job. He says he wants to teach this time. The others are all excited about enrolling in college. We haven't decided what to do about my family yet. Currently, they think my treatment has been successful and that Edward and I are backpacking through the Alps before returning to the States.

On the morning of Renesmee's birthday, Edward asks me, "Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"Of course," I replied, "Every morning when I get dressed."

"No, I mean, really looked."

At this point, I'm intrigued. We are in our cottage and it's still early. The sun has just risen. I walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror. I'm wearing the silk cami and matching shorts I had put on the evening before. I spin and stretch, checking out my reflection. "I'm not seeing anything different."

"Look at you face," Edward replies from behind me.

I take a closer look and then I see it. "Oh my…my eyes." The red was almost gone. He was right, I hadn't noticed. They were almost topaz now with only a hint of red. Not the deep chocolate brown they had been, but Renesmee was carrying that trait on.

"My love, I think you newborn status is about over."

"Do you think?…Am I ready?…" I stuttered, but Edward knew what I was talking about.

"I think you are."

I took a deep, if unnecessary, breath. "Let's do it." We quickly got dressed and went up to the house. It was still quiet. We didn't pass anyone on our way to the third floor. I hesitated outside the closed door. I drew a breath and smelled the air and made my final decision. "I'm ready."

We opened the door and stepped into the room. She was lying in her crib, surrounded by pink bedding and clutching a stuffed lion, still sound asleep. I stepped over to the crib and took a small breath. It was dizzying but manageable. Edward was behind me with his arms around my waist as we watched our daughter sleep. Then she squirmed and stretched a little and before I knew it, her eyes were open and she was looking at me. She got a huge smile on her face and reached for us. I leaned over her and touched her tiny hand. I turned to Edward, "She is so perfect. Is she really ours?"

"You seem to be forgetting that she has a temper when she doesn't get her way." He reached down and picked her up. "Sit in the rocker."

I sat and he put her in my arms for the first time. I smelled our meadow and her dirty diaper but it was all right and I could do this forever. She extended her arm and put her hand over my heart. I saw images of the peek-a-boo game we had played yesterday. I smiled at Edward who was kneeling in front of us with his hand on her head. "I love you," we said simultaneously.

Nessie picked that moment to let out a howl. With the moment broken, Edward said, "Time to teach Mommy all about diaper changing."

And so started the first day of my new life for the second time.


End file.
